i'll never

How many times have I uttered the phrase “I’ll never {fill in the blank}” and then gone on to do exactly that very thing? There are any number of examples and after each, I declare “I’ll never say never again!”. But then, as you’ve already guessed, I do just that and say it again. Oy.

Well, here’s another example to add to the already hefty pile. We’ve gone and gotten ourselves a puppy. And yes, I said never. Another dog maybe, but never a puppy. The energy, the learning curve, the inconvenience and sleepless nights. And while we are living in the US renting a house?…nope, never. Never, never, never. Oooph.

But here we are. H and I and our sweet little Bo Blu. And I am smitten.

I think now what I’m really meaning when I say I’ll never is “I can’t imagine I will ever {fill in the blank}”. And I really can’t, in that moment. Sometimes it is a pure lack of imagination, sometimes it is a complete unknowing of circumstances yet to come, and sometimes it is a straight up declaration based on what I wholeheartedly believe to be true. These latter statements are based on values; hence, I feel quite confident when I say I will never, and I have held true to many if not all of those nevers. The former two, however, are the ones that I continually eat crow over. Because life changes, we change. We grow and learn and adapt. A few years ago, I could never have imagined we’d be living in the US. I could have predicted, and did, the quiet of a completely empty nest, but I couldn’t really feel it in my bones as I do now. H’s long hours, and my inability to work down here leave me with plenty of time…which I have no problem filling, but which I’d like to enjoy with some company.

Colleen said recently that this family had a dog-sized hole in it that needed filling asap. Well, now it is filled. And while the whole family has yet to meet him, those of us who have are loving him up. We named this sweet nubbin Bowen Blu…for a variety of solid reasons…but he’ll likely be called Bo most of the time. After the name was chosen I used the google machine to see if it had any other meanings than the personal ones we’d assigned to it. Turns out Bo is Scandinavian for ‘living’. And that just cemented the choice.

Because, and this falls into that third category of I’ll never’s, I’ll never not want to be living, so long as I am.

p.s. what follows is likely waaay too many pictures…but wait, is there any such thing as too many puppy pics?…and yes, there are photos that have humans in them, but we all know that this particular post is alllll about a pup.